Jan 18, 2018
Sep 21, 2017
Aug 08, 2017
This makes me feel so understood in ways that nobody in my life is able to do. The intensity of the world around me is magnified when I’m manic and I feel the world connected to me as if we are one and then lose it all to depression in what feels like an instant and it’s like falling to the ground from the tallest of rooftops and I lose my connection to the world and myself and I hate it. I am so grateful for your posts and videos that I could cry, I have been following you since late 2016 and your videos gave me the motivation to finally get diagnosed after 5 years of being dismissed by GP’s I finally got diagnosed bipolar by a psychiatrist, now I feel so relieved and hopeful for the future. Thank you so much!
I’m a 39 year old father of two, music producer and I’ve worked in
many areas of the entertainment industry for the last 20 years.
Although I’ve only just properly understood what mental health is,
I’ve experienced anxiety and depression my entire life it seems,
which has been further complicated by the suspected Asperger’s
(high functioning autism) and ADHD that I’m halfway through
diagnosis for. I’ve lived a very confused existence, not truly
knowing who I am and being very insecure about why I feel and act
the way I do.
I’ve been addicted to most drugs and alcohol, I’ve also had
problems with over eating and binging whether it be with substances
or food. I have physical health problems caused by my binge
drinking and unhealthy lifestyle. I’m now totally free of these
addictions and my liver has started to reverse. Over the years I’ve
had serious accidents, fights, lost jobs, fallen out with countless
people and had problems integrating into society and dealing with
life as a whole. Throughout most of my existence I’ve always
preferred to be isolated and away from society, as a coping
mechanism for my insecurities and mainly because I tend not to get
into misunderstandings when I’m on my own – life seems to be much
more settled for me this way.
In 2014 I started a painful journey to the present day which
ultimately ended in destruction of everything I cared about. It
affected my family, I lost my partner of 24 years and ended up
significantly in debt, all fuelled by my complications
understanding the world and impulsive behaviour. I made a bad
business decision which took away my structure, income and
stability, culminating in me becoming very depressed and full of
During this time I had several breakdowns and became unable to
communicate, which resulted in self-referring myself to my GP for
help to find out why I wasn’t coping. This then led me on the path
to the present day with over 30 hours of counselling and 12
separate consultations later, I’m finally starting to get the
answers to what has been going on in my life and giving me closure
on many things I’ve lived a life of confusion about.
Ironically, I now feel the best I’ve ever felt about myself but
have been left with a total mess of a life to look back and reflect
on, with plenty of confusion and an inability to function some
days. This didn’t need to be the way it is, but I can understand
that society is still in its infancy of being able to accept
differences and that public knowledge has been very limited for the
complications I’ve suffered.
Since getting the right support, making massive strides to better
myself and understand my problems, in March 2017, I walked 200
miles throughout the month for Cancer Research. This was part of my
rehabilitation, if you like, and it was a great way to mentally
reflect on all the things that had happened in my life. Since
December 2016, I have totally transformed my life in many areas
that were causing me serious struggles before.
Talking is key – I cannot emphasise this enough. If I’d been able
to talk years ago I wouldn’t have needed to suffer and nor would
the people around me. I believe that society as a whole was to
blame in not understanding and treating metal illness as a second
rate health problem. It feels like you should just get on with it
and expect no support unless you became sectioned. As a teenager
and young adult in the 90’s and 00’s, we never had discussions
about depression or anxiety and I only really knew what they were
properly last year, once I started the process of getting support
for my problems.
For me, not having closure or the ability to discuss my problems
with anyone created a world of pure confusion and deep insecurity
about why my mind works the way it does and why I cannot connect
with the emotions of others. It forced me to stay quiet and suffer
in silence. If, as a society, we are all armed with important
knowledge about how our emotions can affect us day to day, I
believe that there would be far fewer people lost and turning to
substances to create a world they feel normal in.
I’ve made it through a serious amount of challenges and I’ve not
stopped fighting to get to a better place, despite continuous
battles and problems always there to stop me. It’s a really hard
place to be in where you have loads of friends and family but no
one to talk to. That’s the biggest challenge in getting answers to
your struggles, trying to get other people to understand and relate
to the world you live in or have lived in your entire life.
I now talk loads about my emotions, but up until last year I hadn’t
spoken to a single person my entire life and naturally I was a
ticking time bomb waiting to happen.
I signed up to become a Champion a couple of months back and intend
to do as much as I can over the coming years to raise the volume on
mental health awareness to try help people like myself get the
answers and get them sooner.
Abbott Laboratories Pharmaceutical company have a team of experts
helping patients around the world.Vist http://www.abbott.com/ to
get help for yourself and for your loved ones.you can also send a
You did it !
Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.
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